Blog Archives
Helping Those Who Seem to not Want Help
Thoughts which carry me to Jesus, and to the Cross
“When Jesus had finished these parables he left the place, and came into his own country. Here he taught the people in their own synagogue, till in their amazement they said, “Where does this man get this wisdom and these powers? He’s only the carpenter’s son. Isn’t Mary his mother, and aren’t James, Joseph, Simon and Judas his brothers? And aren’t all his sisters living here with us? Where did he get all this?” And they were deeply offended with him. But Jesus said to them, “No prophet goes unhonoured except in his own country and in his own home!” And he performed very few miracles there because of their lack of faith.” (Matthew 13:53–58, Phillips)
These camouflaged souls represent a special category of people who need help: those hiding their need—either consciously or unconsciously. In order to help those who don’t want help, we must recognize that some of these people will ask for help, but they will ask for it through a tangential issue.
But doesn’t a personal relationship involve more than that? A mere benefactor, however powerful, kind and thoughtful, is not the same thing as a friend. Jesus says, “I have called you friends” (John 15:15) and “Look, I am with you every minute, even to the end of the age” (Matthew 28:20, paraphrase).
Every church has them, every form of social media abounds with them They will often put up great defenses of their views, and sometimes are out on the offense. One friend describes them as “”For those who feel the zealous fumes of righteous rebellion coursing through their lungs,” Books have been written about them- these well intentioned alligators, these people who are more worried about being perceived as right that actually seeking the righteousness of Christ. They are labelled with terms like toxic, non-compliant, They don’t get the help, the healing they need, because they are so focused on defending their brokenness.
Others have different coping mechanisms, as they hide their hurt and pain deep within themselves. declaring all is good in their lives, and refusing, even getting offended by the offer of help.
And neither group experience of the healing, the miracle that is available to them in Jesus. Which is most regrettable, as it was when Nazareth rejected Jesus.
The question is whether our response is one based in the grief of knowing what is missing, or whether we simply wanting to correct and/or brush the dust off our feet and leave them in their brokenness. Will we see them asking for help in a very different way, and whether we will respond, or not.
This takes patience and more than a little sacrifice. It takes effort to restore these people to spiritual health, to the point where praising God is their constant focus, for they know they have been established in Christ Jesus. That is our goal, as fellow brothers and sisters in Christ Jesus, to see them healed and restored.
I love how Dallas Willard used to phrase this – to know Jesus as a friend, not just a benefactor. To know that Jesus is not just invested in your performance, but is invested in you. This is where their hope like ours, is found. Where peace is beyond comprehension, where we (all of us!) are healed of our brokenness and sin.
Learn to humbly pray for their healing, pray for your own patience, pray for the love to care for them, and to hear their call for the hope you have. AMEN!
Shelley, M. (1986). Helping those who don’t want help (Vol. 7, p. 91). Christianity Today, Inc.; Word Books.
Willard, D., & Johnson, J. (2015). Hearing God Through the Year: A 365-Day Devotional. IVP.
Give thanks for “them”! God is Using “Them” to Make You Holy!
Thoughts which carry me to Jesus, and to the Cross
“And have you forgotten the exhortation addressed to you as sons? “My son, do not scorn the Lord’s discipline or give up when he corrects you. “For the Lord disciplines the one he loves and chastises every son he accepts.” Endure your suffering as discipline; God is treating you as sons. For what son is there that a father does not discipline? But if you do not experience discipline, something all sons have shared in, then you are illegitimate and are not sons.” (Hebrews 12:5–8, NET)
“O LORD, restore our well-being, just as the streams in the arid south are replenished. Those who shed tears as they plant will shout for joy when they reap the harvest. The one who weeps as he walks along, carrying his bag of seed, will certainly come in with a shout of joy, carrying his sheaves of grain.” (Psalm 126:4–6, NET)
Wherever they may be, let all my brothers remember that they have given themselves and abandoned their bodies to the Lord Jesus Christ. For love of Him, they must make themselves vulnerable to their enemies, both visible and invisible, because the Lord says: Whoever loses his life because of me will save it in eternal life [Lk 9:24; Mt 25:46]
174 Don’t say, “That person bothers me.” Think: “That person sanctifies me.”
The art of being a disciple of Jesus requires you to embrace God disciplining you.
Many books which talk about the practices of Christian Discipline, I have used and been blessed by them. Authors like Dallas Willard, Richard Foster, John Michael Talbot, Fr. Timothy and ancient classics as well. They are full of good advice, as they recommend ways to deepen your prayer life, meditate on scripture, and do things to promote what is now called Spiritual Formation (a kinder, nicer title!)
But there is an aspect of discipline I rarely see talk about, the discipline of the Lord.
The art of receiving the discipline of God.
That discipline that happens, when God separates us from our sin, and because we stubbornly cling to it, the discipline isn’t easy. It can feel like all of God’s wrath is being poured out on us, or at least God removed His protection and providence. As Hebrews notes, it can be painful, but it is necessary, and more, it is proof that we are God’s children, for He cares enough to punish, so He doesn’t have to condemn us. It is part of the transformation of repentance that God’s disciplining occurs, and is effective.
One of the challenges of such discipline, is how God chooses to discipline us.
In the Old Testament, for example in the books of Joshua and Judges, Ezra and Nehemiah, God uses the enemies and adversaries of Israel and Judah to disciple them. Those enemies and adversaries conquer God’s people, enslave them and torment them. Sometimes, it would take decades to achieve God’s purpose, when God’s people cry out to Him, to remember them and rescue them. God had warned them, as Moses delivered the Covenant to them, that these punishments could happen if they sinned.
They sinned, they chased idols, dishonored their parents, were unfaithful, stole and gossiped, etc…
So God disciplined them, and they came back.
God hasn’t changed.
So will accept it when God confronts our sin? When God allows us to experience some of the consequences, that He can heal us, as He comforts and cleanses us?
Will we remember – as Francis points out, that we turned our lives over to God? That when we lose our life and let God mold it, we gain our lives in an incredible way?
Will see Escriva’s point, that those who are “bothering us” are being used by God to draw us to Him, because any other option is simply too frustrating and too trying?
Will we see them as examples of God’s love, calling us back to Him, as He uses even these “relationships” to draw us close, to transform us into the likeness of Christ?
And once you see this – can you give thanks for their presence in their lives?
This is strong discipline, and it requires us to grow in our trust and dependence of God.
That is a good thing, btw.
——-
Pasquale, G., ed. (2011). Day by Day with Saint Francis: 365 Meditations (p. 267). New City Press.
Escrivá, Josemaría. The Way (p. 47). Scepter Publishers. Kindle Edition.
How Do You Lead? How Are You Teaching People to Lead?
Devotional Thought of the Day:
22 After that, the Israelites said to Gideon, “Be our ruler—you and your descendants after you. You have saved us from the Midianites.”
23 Gideon answered, “I will not be your ruler, nor will my son. The LORD will be your ruler.” Judges 8:22-23
With those we lead in any way (sometimes we lead by simply asking the right questions), we are to be “the servant of all” (Mark 9:35), “eager to serve; not lording it over those entrusted to you” (1 Peter 5:2-3). Redemptive mutual submission (Ephesians 5:21) is achieved in this way.
So much current religious work is not lined up with these scriptural injunctions. This is bound to be if those who lead try to control the flock through their own abilities to organize and drive, yet clothed in a spiritual terminology. They do not rely on Christ’s power. As their faith is, so shall their leadership be. It will be “my group,” “my ministry” and “my children”—and those who follow will never experience how completely God is Lord of each person.
Leadership is a tricky thing.
Especialy for those who serve Christ by serving the people of God as leaders.
Once upon a time, I was in management. Went to the seminars, did all the team building excercises. Especially loved the idea of the inverted triangle, that a leader is not at the top, but rather at the bottom of the structure. Learned about different styles and tempraments of leadership and had some excellent leaders who had authority over me, but saw it as responsibility for my work.
Dallas Willard’s comments are striking in this, that a leader that leads based in their own ability to organize and drive those that follow is not truly doing their job. They are neglecting the very reason for their being in leadership.
Willard describes what is missing as “those who follow will never experience how completely God is the Lord of each person.”
This is not about questioning the sincerity of those in leadership. Many of us sincerly want to do the best we can, and train and learn to be leaders of the people of God. We try to adapt what we know, but sometimes it falls short, simply because we forget that we aren’t leadiing to success, or to a short term goal. As a result, we often find ourselves manipulating people rather than guiding them. We get them to “do” rather than experience.
We need to remember that LORD is the way the Jewish people respectfully used a title instead of God’s name. The name, YHWH, simply means I AM. (rememer Moses and the burning bush?) That is what our people need to experience, that is what we are tasked with revealing to them, shepherding them in experiencing the love of God who is present.
My job as a pastor, the job of the elders and board members is to help people experience God’s mercy, His care, His presence in their lives. That is the role of every Christian leader.
And that is why so much of secular leadership strategy is challenging. Because if relies on us, because it doesn’t tale the attitude of Gideon, who points to them to the Lord (even though he was the most effective of the Judges)
“No, not me… look to God…” the same kind of leadership that John the Baptist, that the Apostle Paul and so many others have modeled for us.
So this day, I have a challenge for you who lead.
Your challenge is this, find someone to guide, and the place you need to guide them to is a place of stillness, a place of peace, a place where they know God is present, (and that you are not God!)
Go in His peace, and I pray you
Willard, D., & Johnson, J. (2015). Hearing god through the year: a 365-day devotional. Westmont, IL: IVP Books.
Are We Really Listening to God?
Devotional Thought of the day:
5 I wait for the LORD, my soul waits, and with
Psalm 130:5-6 (GW)
When God speaks to us it does not prove that we are right or even that we are good. In fact we may have misunderstood what God said. The infallibility of God the speaker does not guarantee our infallible reception. However, phrases such as “God told me” or “the Lord led me” are commonly used to prove that “I am right,” “My ideas are right” or “you should follow me.” No such claim is automatically justified.
So if a conversational walk with God does not guarantee my always being right, what is the use of it? Why should we attempt to hear God if it won’t ensure that we’re on the right track?
34† But they would not answer him, because on the road they had been arguing among themselves about who was the greatest. 35† Jesus sat down, called the twelve disciples, and said to them, “Whoever wants to be first must place himself last of all and be the servant of all.” Mark 9:34-35 GNT
As i look over social media this morning, I again find myself distraught over what I see. People trying to justify their views, much as Dallas Willard indicates they do in the green quote above.
It is tempting to reply to each, to show them how their claim to the higher moral position is failing, and actually doing harm to their position.
Everyone claims that they speak for God, whether they believe or not. They do so when they appeal to logic, or what is just (in their eyes) or what a right. Their claim to an absolute is a claim to speak for God, their judgment that something is good, or evil, again is a claim to speak absolutely, and therefore is a claim to speak as God.
Please, stop nodding your head, thinking of people you know I am speaking about – for I am speaking about you, and me.
We try to speak for God all the time, speaking at people, speaking about their sin, judging and condemning that which we don’t approve. Surely, there sins we need to confront, brokeness and even things attitudes so warped that good becomes evil, and evil becomes good.
But the purpose of speaking out about them must be reconcilliation to God, not condemnation to hell. Our attitude should be that of a servant, helping his Master’s children grow and develop.
That requires that we listen to God, more than we speak for Him. It takes knowing and sharing His heart, His attitude for them, rather than just drawing a line in the sand.
So how do we know when we are hearing God accurately? When what is being said aligns with what He desires, when our heart is filled with both love and the pain that comes from seeing those we love, captured in bondange, unable to free themselves.
When we are willing to go them, and share in their pain, waiting patiently for that moment when we can reveal to them the grace of God, the mercy He will show them. When we can take them to the cross, embracing the struggle for the joy set before us.. the joy of welcoming our fellow prodicgal home.
So listen, and run to those He would have you stand by.
Willard, D., & Johnson, J. (2015). Hearing god through the year: a 365-day devotional. Westmont, IL: IVP Books.
