Will God hear even me today, in this mood I am in?
Devotional THought of the Day:
9 And so I say to you: Ask, and you will receive; seek, and you will find; knock, and the door will be opened to you. 10 For those who ask will receive, and those who seek will find, and the door will be opened to anyone who knocks. 11 Would any of you who are fathers give your son a snake when he asks for fish? 12 Or would you give him a scorpion when he asks for an egg? 13 As bad as you are, you know how to give good things to your children. How much more, then, will the Father in heaven give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him!” Luke 11:9-13 (TEV)
469 Lord, I do not deserve to be heard, because I am wicked, a penitent soul prayed: But he added: Yet… listen to me quoniam bonus—because You are good. (1)
I am in a lousy mood today – so lousy that it is now 9:30 and I am just getting to my blog. I am not even sure if I wrote one yesterday, which was very busy and tiring. I am sitting in front of my computer, after wasting time in a doctor’s office, after dealing with traffic and long lines and in starting to do the bills, and tearing up a letter that I wrote no less than 8 times to a friend, who doesn’t quite see eye to eye with me regarding Christ’s church. What I wanted – on this a “day off”? To spend some time writing my book, or to re-read “Between Heaven and Hell”.
There is a old phrase, misery loves company…which I believe is totally false. When I am in such a miserable rotten mood, I don’t want company – i want God to leave me alone.
I wanted to write the blog about what my friend and I disagreed on, or about the 50th anniversary of Aldous Huxley’s death, (as well as some guys named CS Lewish and John F Kennedy ), but did so as my pattern is, and looked at a passage of scripture, thought about it, then looked at St. Josemaria’s book and remembered – oh yeah – dealing with that section on prayer.
I so resonate with his words, for I too do not deserve to be heard. Not at all. In one of those moods that makes the impulsive and hotheaded Peter look like a saint. ( Uhm… well – you know what I mean) My attitude isn’t great, and to be honest, I am not sure I want it to change – even as I know it must! Lord, I trust you can deliver me, help me trust enough to want to be!
This is one of those things I adore about God. That I don’t have to be perfect to be heard. Because of Jesus, because of His perfection, because of His love and sacrifice, the Father hears my prayers as if I was Christ. The Holy Spirit helps by interpreting those prayers into a manner consistent with both my heart – and more importantly the Father’s heart.
So trust I will- that God will, as He promised listen to my prayer, that He will forgive my sins, that He will not just give me what I ask- but that He will provide what calls me home, heals my horrible mood, and reminds me that He is my loving Abba Father…
Even in this mood, I can praise Him, knowing this!
Lord, Father in Heaven, have mercy!
(1) Escriva, Josemaria (2011-01-31). Furrow (Kindle Locations 2064-2065). Scepter Publishers. Kindle Edition.
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