Am I Just “Going through the motions?”
Devotional Thought for the Day:
23 How I wish that someone would remember my words and record them in a book! 24 Or with a chisel carve my words in stone and write them so that they would last forever. 25 But I know there is someone in heaven who will come at last to my defense. 26 Even after my skin is eaten by disease, while still in this body I will see God. 27 I will see him with my own eyes, and he will not be a stranger. Job 19:23-27 (TEV)
26 In the same way the Spirit also comes to help us, weak as we are. For we do not know how we ought to pray; the Spirit himself pleads with God for us in groans that words cannot express. 27 And God, who sees into our hearts, knows what the thought of the Spirit is; because the Spirit pleads with God on behalf of his people and in accordance with his will. Romans 8:26-27 (TEV)
57 Get to know the Holy Spirit, the Great Unknown, the one who has to sanctify you. Don’t forget that you are a temple of God. The Paraclete is in the center of your soul: listen to him, and follow his inspirations with docility.
On Monday, at sometime between 7:30 and 8:30, I read the first scripture passage above, from the book of Job. It is a favorite passage, one I love to just think about, especially when life is “job-like” ANd it was in the rotation of readings that were assigned for me that day, by the software that helps me read through the Bible in a year.
The problem is, I don’t remember reading it. Not at all.
And so yesterday, that bothered me a lot. how could i miss such an important passage? How ow could I not have seen it?
What is sadly ironic is that I really needed to see it, not just read it. It is one of those seasons of trauma, those times where I wondered if Job and I could trade places for a couple of hours.
My mind on Tuesday kept beating me up. HOw could I have missed what God had obviously put right in front of me, for that time, for that moment? How could I just go through the motions, reading but not seeing, hearing but not absorbing the word of God?
Am I getting to the point where I am just “going through the motions when it comes to the daily readings of scripture?
Will that start to seep into other parts of my spiritual life, other parts of what I do? That is perhaps the greatest point of fear I have, that how I lead worship, that how I preach, how I administer the sacraments simply fades into a mechanical application of what I have done before.
The feelings move into high gear, alternating between anxiety and guilt, between how have I gotten myself into this place and will I ever get back to “normal” spiritual mode? Then I realize I have not wasted one day, but two…
By God’s grace as well, in this morning’s reading I came to St Josemaria’s words in purple above. My heart focused on the phrase about the Holy Spirit being the one who has to sanctify us. As that resonated and comforted me, the words of the apostle Paul flashed into my head. I realized that while I missed the words Monday, and struggled on Tuesday with the absence of seeing the words, the Holy Spirit didn’t let me forget them.
As I went back and read them again, without the distractions and lack of attention that plagued me Monday, or the guilt and anxiety of Tuesday, I finally saw what I needed to see. Because of the tension, it hits home even more strongly, even being chiseled into my crushed and broken heart and soul.
I will see God, and He will not be a stranger.
No matter how dark my day, no matter how much I’ve bottomed out, the Holy Spirit is there, comforting, sanctifying, even interpreting our prayers, and making everything work out for good…. even the days when I can barely go through the motions.
God is faithful, the Holy Spirit is here… and if I can cling to that promise…I can survive the days when I don’t soar like a spiritual giant, but crawl like a cockroach.
He is here, He is not a stranger..
Escriva, Josemaria. The Way (Kindle Locations 299-301). Scepter Publishers. Kindle Edition.