Thoughts which bring me to Jesus, and His cross..

God spoke to him in a vision at night and called, “Jacob, Jacob!”
“Yes, here I am,” he answered.
“I am God, the God of your father,” he said. “Do not be afraid to go to Egypt; I will make your descendants a great nation there. 4I will go with you to Egypt, and I will bring your descendants back to this land. Joseph will be with you when you die.”  Genesis 26:1-4 GNT

Moreover it is a common plague that no one is satisfied with his own lot, so that the heathen say: How does it happen that there is always better fruit in another field, and that the neighbor’s cow gives more milk than our own? How does it come that no one is content with his own state and thinks that of another is better than his own? If God allowed one to change his lot with all his will, even then he would be like every one else, would become more tired and at last stay with his own. Hence one ought not to think of changing his lot, but of changing his spirit of discontent. Cast aside and change that restless spirit, then the lot of one will be like that of another and all will be prized alike.
To overcome such unrest, discontent and disgust in one’s self, faith is helpful and necessary—a faith which is of the firm conviction that God governs all alike, places each one in the lot that is the most suitable for him. This faith brings rest, contentment and peace; it banishes the tired spirit

The prodigal son takes his part of the inheritance, glad that it is his, and travels as far as he can from his father’s house. Up to the point where the prodigal enters into himself and remembers where he came from, the story is that of Prometheus and the vulture. The prodigal has not stolen anything, but he thinks that to “find himself,” he must segregate whatever can be classified as “his” and exploit it for his own self-affirmation.

During a recent hospitalization, I was awake late at night and thought through my life.

Let’s just say, that even though I do what I wanted to do as a child, there is much in my life that is… disappointing. Part of that is because of the physical limitations of a genetic disorder, which caused my heart, spinal and visual issues. How many things can I not do, that I loved. How many others I would have do, if only…

It is easy to get an attitude like the prodigal – to want to take what you’ve got and head for somewhere else. To find something where life is easier, or at least less stressful, less painful. Not that those dreams have the chance to become reality, but the dreams still exist. It’s not fair to face so many challenges, to walk with others facing even more challenges. Luther hits this hard, talking of the sin of wanting to change his lot, only to find that equally unsatisfying.

At the end of the Ten Commandments, there are the commandments about coveting, of wanting something that isn’t ours. The lists includes homes, family, associates, every part of our lives. Taken in view of the Commandments beginning, “I am the Lord, your God who has delivered you.” the reason that wanting to be different than who we are comes clear. He has given us our families, our vocations, the people in our lives, and yes, our bodies. To want to toss all that aside, so that we think we can find affirmation in another scenario, means we don’t trust in God’s plan and providence, and we doubt His love.

I imagine this was Jacob’s attitude, as his sons explained to him the necessity of the move, and the impossible miracle they said was true. Ninety years of hard work, of tears of loss of the wife he truly loved, and her son. Now, in his old age – a move? A new country? To give up everything? How could God ask him of this, after everything else he’s been through?

God doesn’t forget him, this man who was brave enough to wrestle with God and not let go. Or perhaps not brave, just simply at the end of his rope, and unable to conceive of life going on, and enduring more trauma. Hearing God’s voice makes a difference. Don’t be afraid—I will be with you. That makes every bit of a difference.

You and I need to hear that voice, the promise that while life is not “ideal”, that God is here, that life is in His hands, that even broken bodies, and wounded hearts have meaning and purpose… that He will hold us, even in the midst our angst, our pain, our frustration and anger. He is there, for that is His promise to us in baptism, and one we experience as we are given the Body and Blood of Jesus Gathered by God into His presence with others. It is there we fin the Spirit’s comfort, the healing of Jesus, the love of the Father. It is there we are taught to say, with confidence, that it is well, with our souls, and find a peace-filled contentment with our life, lived in His presence..

Martin Luther and John Sander, Devotional Readings from Luther’s Works for Every Day of the Year (Rock Island, IL: Augustana Book Concern, 1915), 416–417.

Thomas Merton, The New Man (London; New York: Burns & Oates, 1976), 25.