The 20th Anniversary of my Death

I don’t remember much of the day, driving up into LA in my old little mazda  626 – getting ready to open the bookstore I was just promoted to manage, walking down the hall to the print shop.  Didn’t feel quite right – but put it down to nerves…new position – nearly impossible situation –

Waking up several days later, in Good Samaritan Hospital – the burn scars from the defibrillations still freshly marking my chest.  I had flat lined 5 times, each time they cleared the area and wham!  Hearing I was going to have a defibrillation unit implanted into my abdomen, wondering how my life was going to change.  I didn’t see any tunnels with lights, didn’t hear anyone tell me to “go back”….just woke up.  To anxieties, worries, fear…

I try to look back on those days, I’ve blocked them mostly out, except for the incredible example of my wife and my boss – finding laughter in the midst of stress. Of the three questions I kept asking over and over, and people answering them.  Just writing this blog is tough.

But it is causing me to rethink my ideas of life, my plans, and maybe – this time, I can keep focused a little longer,   Maybe on something as simple as this….

3:8 Yes, everything else is worthless when compared with the infinite value of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have discarded everything else, counting it all as garbage, so that I could gain Christ
Philippians 3:8 (NLT)

If there is one thing these 20 years.. and the times lying in hospital beds have taught me, it is not that this life is too short – rather, it is too long to endure, without knowing Him, His love, His mercy, His peace.

May we all cry out for His mercy and presence, confident of His answer…






About justifiedandsinner

I am a pastor of a Concordia Lutheran Church in Cerritos, California, where we rejoice in God's saving us from our sin, and the unrighteousness of the world. It is all about His work, the gift of salvation given to all who trust in Jesus Christ, and what He has done that is revealed in Scripture. God deserves all the glory, honor and praise, for He has rescued and redeemed His people.

Posted on August 3, 2012, in Devotions and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 1 Comment.

  1. Hannah Comerford

    Speaking as someone with the first year anniversary of her “death” coming up, you handled writing about that very well. Good job.

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