The 20th Anniversary of my Death
Posted by justifiedandsinner
I don’t remember much of the day, driving up into LA in my old little mazda 626 – getting ready to open the bookstore I was just promoted to manage, walking down the hall to the print shop. Didn’t feel quite right – but put it down to nerves…new position – nearly impossible situation –
Waking up several days later, in Good Samaritan Hospital – the burn scars from the defibrillations still freshly marking my chest. I had flat lined 5 times, each time they cleared the area and wham! Hearing I was going to have a defibrillation unit implanted into my abdomen, wondering how my life was going to change. I didn’t see any tunnels with lights, didn’t hear anyone tell me to “go back”….just woke up. To anxieties, worries, fear…
I try to look back on those days, I’ve blocked them mostly out, except for the incredible example of my wife and my boss – finding laughter in the midst of stress. Of the three questions I kept asking over and over, and people answering them. Just writing this blog is tough.
But it is causing me to rethink my ideas of life, my plans, and maybe – this time, I can keep focused a little longer, Maybe on something as simple as this….
3:8 Yes, everything else is worthless when compared with the infinite value of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have discarded everything else, counting it all as garbage, so that I could gain Christ
Philippians 3:8 (NLT)
If there is one thing these 20 years.. and the times lying in hospital beds have taught me, it is not that this life is too short – rather, it is too long to endure, without knowing Him, His love, His mercy, His peace.
May we all cry out for His mercy and presence, confident of His answer…