Thoughts which carry (or perhaps drag) me to Jesus, and to the Cross

“My brothers and sisters, consider it nothing but joy when you fall into all sorts of trials, because you know that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its perfect effect, so that you will be perfect and complete, not deficient in anything.” (James 1:2–4, NET)

With the Christ as leader, he resolved “to do great deeds,” and with weakening limbs and dying body, he hoped for victory over the enemy in a new struggle. True bravery knows no real limits of time, for its hope of reward is eternal.

In one of George MacDonald’s books, there is a woman who has met a sudden sorrow. “I wish I’d never been made!” she exclaims petulantly and bitterly: to which her friend quietly replies, “My dear, you’re not made yet. You’re only being made—and this is the Maker’s process.”

Christian believers are wrongly taught if they believe that the Christian life is a guarantee against human trials and problems. If they believe that, they have mistaken earth for heaven and expect conditions here below which can never be realized until we reach the better world above….
If we cannot remove our problems, then we must pray for grace to endure them without murmuring. We will learn, too, that problems patiently endured will work for our spiritual perfecting.

My complaint today is that God keeps stealing my pity parties!

It is no big secret that i have had a lot of health issues over the last 40 years, and face more to come. There are times, like the last week, where it seems like something else is going to be added, another thorn in the flesh. If it is not me, its my staff, (one with covid, one with severe bronchial issues) or this friend (dealing with a staff infection that keeps coming to the surface) or that friend. (hmmm, maybe it’s not good to be close to me?)

These kinds of things are wearying, and take a tax on me spiritually, and when it comes to my own health, I wonder when they will render me ineffective, useless, worthless. Is there a day soon coming when I can’t disciple people, a day when I can’t preach, or play in the worship liturgy band, or even do my greatest love, handing people the Body and Blood of Christ at the altar.

Giving place to those anxieties and fears is emotionally and spiritually debilitating! The thoughts alone can paralyze you, as they drain your faith, as well as your confidence, and leave me like a lifeless pile of dead leaves…

SO then God steals my pity party.

First, in my “on this day” memories on FB, there is a picture of one of the holiest ladies I know, who sat in our church office for over 40 years, just loving and caring for people, for the kids, and for the 7 pastors that were blessed to serve her over the years. Then I thought of another lady of faith, Grandma Myrtle, and also my wife’s mother, who though both bed bound- find a lot of meaning and usefulness in praying for others.

And then I get to my devotional reading, and the prayer of St. Francis that even though life was slowly fading from his body he believed that God still had great things for him to accomplish through prayer–recognizing the assault on his emotions and faith to be demonic. As i read that, I realizing it is not the health issues that wipe me out, but the fears and anxieties, the feelings of helplessness and worthlessness that are the problem. And these problems are demonic, trying to hide the grace of God which would allow me, as James says, to rejoice in these things.

The other readings also tug strongly at me, as they attempt to separate me from my self-pity, despair and depression. The idea that I am not “made” yet, but being renovated, and made for eternal life is indeed comforting and empowering, sustaining Francis’ belief that God will still work with me now. And as Tozer points out – any suffering is part of the process of making us–of perfecting us.

I can, even tired and worn, alive and with meaning because the Lord is with me. (you too!)

Pasquale, G., ed. (2011). Day by Day with Saint Francis: 365 Meditations (p. 271). New City Press.

Shelley, M. (1986). Helping those who don’t want help (Vol. 7, p. 45). Christianity Today, Inc.; Word Books.

Tozer, A. W., & Smith, G. B. (2008). Mornings with Tozer: Daily Devotional Readings. Moody Publishers.